The Ultimate House

Recently I was talking with a few friends, and mentioned a few of the things that my ultimate house was going to have, when I was rich and famous and got around to building it. They suggested a few more ideas, and we came up with the following list:

  • It’s a castle, with two moats. The outer one has a crocodile (to feed Hollywood A-list celebrities to) and the inner one has a wave machine for surfing.
  • Instead of a front-door key, you get a remote control. The remote control has a button on it for launching a fireworks display whenever you want.
  • There’s an entire game park out the back. Animals in the park included cassowaries, lions, tigers, and bears. All of whom are capable of eating various A-list celebrities.
  • The castle is on a cliff, and going down from the castle to the seas requires the use of a network of secret caves.
  • There’s a maze and a labyrinth.
  • A medieval banquet hall in the middle of the castle, complete with 3 or 4 long tables. I imagine this room will look a lot like the great hall in the Harry Potter films.
  • There’s a leaking dungeon with lots of chains and prison cells, for keeping A-list celebrities in.
  • A full recording studio.
  • A full restaurant kitchen, with three pantries. One for tea, one for chilli, and one for everything else.
  • There’s a room specifically for listening to Pink Floyd music, buried deep in the castle. It’s completely black with no windows. The only furniture is a La-Z-Boy recliner and two speakers, with everything set up for perfect reproduction of sound.
  • A yacht is moored off the coast.
  • So is a submarine, which is used to travel between the coast and the lighthouse on an island offshore.
  • There’s a runway long enough to be capable of landing a Space Shuttle.
  • Stored at the end of the runway is my private Boeing 747 and home-built RV-4 land capable float plane.
  • There’s a 3-storey library. It’s got the wooden rails around the side with the ladders that zoom around the walls. At the top level there are two doors at either end, and connecting the doors is a suspension bridge covered in vines.
  • A super-fast Internet connection, of course. We’re talking multiple gigabits per second fibre backbone straight to the AARNET and PIPE networks.
  • A cinema complex with 4 theatres. One is constantly playing Star Wars movies, one is constantly playing Star Trek, and one is constantly playing French films. The two playing Star Trek and Star Wars are defended against humans entering them by a team of skutters (from the Red Dwarf TV series).